Why Don’t They Want Help?

When Your Addicted Teen Refuses Treatment

From One Mother of an Addict to Another
By Nina Rosenzweig Sherman

I remember the moment I realized I couldn’t make my son accept help.
It hit me like a punch to the gut.

He was spiraling. I knew it. Everyone around us knew it. But when I offered therapy, or rehab, or even just a safe place to talk — he looked at me and said:
“I’m fine.”

It was like watching someone drown while they insisted they could breathe underwater.

If you’ve ever been there — staring into the eyes of your addicted child, begging them to get help, only to hear “no” — this is for you.

You are not alone. And you’re not doing anything wrong.

Why Don’t They Want Help?

It’s one of the hardest questions we ask ourselves as parents:

“If they’re suffering, why don’t they want to get better?”

The truth?
They often don’t believe they’re suffering the way we see it.

Their brains — especially when addiction is involved — are wired for survival, not healing. What we see as chaos, they see as coping. What looks like destruction to us may actually feel like the only way they know how to stay afloat.

They’re not trying to destroy themselves.
They’re trying to numb themselves.

That’s the heartbreaking part.

It’s Not About You — But It Hurts Like Hell

It’s so easy to take it personally.
“If he really loved me, he’d listen.”
“If I had been a better mom, he wouldn’t be like this.”

Stop.

Your child’s refusal to accept help is not a reflection of your worth as a parent.

It’s a reflection of their pain. Their fear. Their inability to trust that healing is even possible.

That doesn’t make it easier to live with. But it does help us stop carrying shame that doesn’t belong to us.

Sometimes They Are Afraid of What Help Really Means

Think about it: Accepting help means saying out loud, “I have a problem.” That takes vulnerability. That takes self-awareness. That takes a willingness to face what’s been buried for years.

A lot of teens — especially those struggling with addiction or mental illness — are too scared to go there.

They’d rather keep using. Keep running. Keep lying.
Because at least that pain is familiar.

When Love Isn’t Enough

This part nearly broke me.
Because I believed love could fix anything.

But addiction doesn’t care how much you love your child.
It doesn’t respond to hugs or second chances or “this is the last time” speeches.

Addiction responds to boundaries, pain, consequences… and time.

And until they’re ready to receive help, you have to get help for yourself.

What You Can Do

If your child won’t accept help right now, that doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck.

Here’s what helped me:

• I found a therapist who understood addiction.

• I joined a support group — because I needed to say things out loud I was too ashamed to say anywhere else.

• I stopped offering solutions and started offering boundaries.

I began to say:

“I love you. And I’ll be here when you’re ready. But I can’t keep going down with you.”

That’s not giving up.
That’s survival.

You’re Still a Good Parent

If you’re in the middle of this — watching your child refuse help while your heart is in pieces — hear me clearly:

• You are not a failure.

• You are not powerless.

• You are not alone.

You’re a parent doing the hardest job in the world — loving someone who isn’t ready to be saved.

Keep loving them. Keep living your life. Keep breathing.

They may not be ready today. But you can be.

From one mother of an addict to another… I see you.

💛 — Nina

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